The Aftermath !

So what is the aftermath that a narcissist leaves? Do you ever recover?

Personally I feel that if you had a strong positive personality before the Narcissist then I think you can recover but if you had low self-esteem already, or suffered from any form of depression it might take you longer if ever to fully recover from a Narcissist.

I am no expert, I am merely speaking from my experience and how I felt. I was a very strong, confident person before I met mine and then I changed into a meek and mild, emotional wreck. I however managed to get back to the person I was but not without the help of therapy and lots of soul-searching. I spent days in depression and in tears. Hating myself for allowing these things to happen. It was not an easy journey. I had to learn to forgive myself because I wasn’t angry with him. I was angry with myself for not seeing the signs or rather for not wanting to see the signs. For not wanting to accept that we were not meant to be and we will never be meant to be and that on some level I had an obsession with him to. I wanted it all to be perfect. I wanted to force him to love me like I loved him. I had to accept that I will always be the one that loves more.

So all in all the aftermath of a Narcissist is a lot of hurt, pain and disbelief. Sometimes one can end up so depressed that you feel you don’t want to exist without him, but I urge you if this is how you feel then seek professional help. The feelings you are having is normal after such a destructive relationship but don’t let it rule your life. Unpack the boxes of what you are feeling with someone preferably. Then deal with it in the best way that you can and put it behind you and move forward.

Don’t go back, don’t think if a narcissists contacts you again saying they sorry or they want you it’s because they miss you. They don’t miss you, they miss the idea of you. They miss controlling someone, they miss feeling powerful! If they cared that would not have treated you in the way that they did.

So yes there is an aftermath and it causes devastation but you can recover from it. 100% probably not but enough to open yourself up to love again. Enough to trust completely probably not but enough to trust that you will one day be able to trust 100% again! Will you be more careful with the next person you meet, for sure. You will think twice about committing or moving in together. You will be suspicious for a while and you will be sitting waiting for the other shoe to drop but when it doesn’t you will feel relieved and learn to be happy again and to trust again!

Don’t let the aftermath of a Narcissist destroy the possibility of meeting someone who could just show you that there is still good in this world but do take your time in finding that person. Give yourself time to heal !

I will end this blog with a comment I made to my friends in my time of recovery, hope it gives you the inspiration you need in your dark hour:

“I have learned that you need to be careful who you trust with your heart. I have learned how to ask for help from others when I could no longer help myself. I have learned humility and I have learned that even if life is the worst it has ever been that I am stronger now than I will ever be. The worst is over and the best is yet to come. I have also learned that you can live with someone for a long time but not know who they really are until you leave. I have also learned that when we truly, truly love someone we close our eyes to the bad times and bad things cause we simply don’t want to believe that its true. This morning I woke up with a lot of sorrow in my heart but tonight I am going to go to sleep with joy at the new things I will be experiencing from here on. I will always be the person who loves more and gives more it is who I am and I thought for a short period it’s not who I want to be anymore but I have accepted I cannot change myself. I just need to be a lot more careful who gets to see that part of me. I have also learned that I am loved by many that sometimes I forget to tell that I love back. Tomorrow is a new dawn and a new day! Let the sun shine in!”

 

 

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Different Types of Abuse!

 

frombehindcloseddoors

 

 

Welcome to my blog. I have been contemplating how to start this one for a while now. I am use to writing in a funnier style but what I am about to write about is not funny at all. It is very serious and a lot of people going through this can’t speak for themselves. This is why I want to be their voice!

There are so many people who have experienced this and who are experiencing this right now. You ask yourself what is this that I am talking about.

The this that I am referring to is ABUSE!

There are 6 kinds of ABUSE according to Project Pave in Colorado (http://www.projectpave.org/6-types-abuse)

1. PHYSICAL ABUSE

Standing over you, getting “in your face,” blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave, kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking, threatening to harm you, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling hair, stabbing, strangling, tying or confining you, preventing you from seeking medical care, murder.

2. EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Insults, put downs, intimidating you, embarrassing you in public, talking down to you, not listening to or respecting your feelings, making threats, being jealous, possessive, controlling; excessive or threatening texts, wanting access to your messages, email, FaceBook/MySpace, spying, checking up on you, accusations of cheating, making you feel like you need to justify yourself, giving you no privacy.

3. VERBAL ABUSE

Yelling, shouting, swearing, continually arguing, interrupting, talking over you, put downs, using loud and threatening language and tone to cause fear, name calling, intimidating you, mocking you, abusive language.

4. ECONOMIC ABUSE

Withholding money, opening up a joint account, but you don’t have access, forcing you to leave your job, forcing you to get fired, shaming you for how you spend your money, not allowing you to work or get an education, putting all the bills/credit cards in your name, preventing you from using a car.

5. MENTAL ABUSE

Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around so nothing is their fault and all of their behaviour was caused by something you did or didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they are doing, lying, manipulating you to control or sex, threatening to “out” you to parents, friends, classmates, distorting reality so you think you are losing your mind.

6. SEXUAL ABUSE

Rape, unwanted sexual touching, vulgar comments, pressure for sex, forcing you to have unprotected sex, forcing you to get pregnant or to have an abortion, sexting, forcing you to have sex with other people or to watch your partner have sex with someone else, forcing you to use or participate in pornography.

Personally, I think out of all the ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE is the most lethal kind as it’s a silent ABUSE! Some of us don’t even realise that we are being ABUSED in this way until it turns into one of the other forms of ABUSE or until we step out of the situation and look back in and discover what we thought was something we were doing wrong was actually not us at all but someone who was trying to control us and change us and break us down for their own sick gain.

When I discovered I was EMOTIONALLY ABUSED I was already out of the relationship and it hit me so hard to realise that the person I loved with all my heart. The person who I thought had my best interest at heart and loved me actually never ever loved me they were set out from the beginning to control me EMOTIONALLY and to HURT me deliberately for their own sick gain. Whether or not they were aware they were doing this I am not sure, but I can’t believe that someone would treat another person like this does not know what they are doing on some level. Yes, they have their own issues and crosses to bear, but to take it out on the person you are supposed to love I will never get my head around completely.

I have in my life witnessed ABUSE before and I never understood why doesn’t the person just leave. What is wrong with them? Now however, I get it. It’s not as simple as packing your bags and leaving. The person who dishes out the ABUSE is so clever that they hook you like a drug. So when you leave, you believe that this is the only person that will ever have me, that will ever accept me for who I am. No one else will understand me like they do. You become addicted like a drug to that person and how they treat you. So like any drug you need to go through the withdrawal and it’s not easy. I myself almost went back. Lucky for me, I am quite stubborn and refused to back down once I realised what was going on. I also have people in my life who care so much about me that they helped me realise that the way I was being treated was NOT how someone treats you if they love you. I am very grateful to them for everything they did for me and being there for me when I thought I was standing alone.

I however, refuse to be my ABUSERS victim!! I am a SURVIVOR and through my blog I plan to tell my story as well as the stories of anyone who is afraid to speak out! It is time that the silence of ABUSE is broken that we start opening our eyes and realising what ABUSE does to a person’s spirit, body and mind.

Let’s break the SILENCE NOW!